I often ponder, Who am I?, What am I?, Is that really MY reflection?
Lately I have been very discouraged, not by others or problems with life, but by myself. At the end of each thoughtless expression of my mouth, my soul grows a little paler. I feel that I just put the true me in a little box, while my old self goes out to play. Not so much in the way of profanity or sexual immorality, just foolish talk and things that, at least to me, defeat my testimony.
I want to know... Do people really like me? Or are they just convicted to be nice? Do I seem as foolish to everyone else as I do to myself? I need to change. I have to do it this time. I am not going to quit. I can't quit. I am not letting Satan take control of me anymore. I am not going to be a disgrace to my God any more.
I need your help God. I am ashamed of myself for being so ashamed of you. I love you and I know it isn't right to put anything before you. I have been. It's like the moment I take a step away from you, things go bad. My world starts to fall, I lose my steps, I find myself meandering in a maze of blurry darkness. God please help me. Please help Patsy too, with her back Lord, I know that you can do anything. I know that you and only you can heal her completely. It isn't that I don't love her now, I love her with all of my heart and mind and soul, or at least what you will for me to spare for her. I know that it causes her intense pain, aching, throbbing, knotting, wrenching, pain. Lord, I ask in Christs name that you will heal her. That is what you said Jesus, to ask for things in your Name. I love you my brother and King. And thank you Lord for allowing Gayle's tests to come back negative for cancer. It makes me overwhelmingly joyful. I have no words. I thank you for being Real. Not the real that is on TV. Not the real where I can believe in you but not understand that You Are. I Am, I pray that Mike will come with an open heart tomorrow. Please give me the words to say that will help him understand who You Are. I love you God. Please be with my dad who is working in Michigan, keep him and his crew safe and warm. And Help my mother and sister. Help my mother find her way to you when my sister leaves. Let her feel your presence. I love you God. You surely are Good. Help me Lord, to not fall back to my flesh. Help me to step out, from this night forward. Lord, I want to fight on the frontlines with You. Yahweh, El Roi, Adonai, Abba, El Shaddai, Savior, King. I love you. Everything I ask in your name Jesus, I love you, Good night God, I love you. Amen
Lately I have been very discouraged, not by others or problems with life, but by myself. At the end of each thoughtless expression of my mouth, my soul grows a little paler. I feel that I just put the true me in a little box, while my old self goes out to play. Not so much in the way of profanity or sexual immorality, just foolish talk and things that, at least to me, defeat my testimony.
I want to know... Do people really like me? Or are they just convicted to be nice? Do I seem as foolish to everyone else as I do to myself? I need to change. I have to do it this time. I am not going to quit. I can't quit. I am not letting Satan take control of me anymore. I am not going to be a disgrace to my God any more.
I need your help God. I am ashamed of myself for being so ashamed of you. I love you and I know it isn't right to put anything before you. I have been. It's like the moment I take a step away from you, things go bad. My world starts to fall, I lose my steps, I find myself meandering in a maze of blurry darkness. God please help me. Please help Patsy too, with her back Lord, I know that you can do anything. I know that you and only you can heal her completely. It isn't that I don't love her now, I love her with all of my heart and mind and soul, or at least what you will for me to spare for her. I know that it causes her intense pain, aching, throbbing, knotting, wrenching, pain. Lord, I ask in Christs name that you will heal her. That is what you said Jesus, to ask for things in your Name. I love you my brother and King. And thank you Lord for allowing Gayle's tests to come back negative for cancer. It makes me overwhelmingly joyful. I have no words. I thank you for being Real. Not the real that is on TV. Not the real where I can believe in you but not understand that You Are. I Am, I pray that Mike will come with an open heart tomorrow. Please give me the words to say that will help him understand who You Are. I love you God. Please be with my dad who is working in Michigan, keep him and his crew safe and warm. And Help my mother and sister. Help my mother find her way to you when my sister leaves. Let her feel your presence. I love you God. You surely are Good. Help me Lord, to not fall back to my flesh. Help me to step out, from this night forward. Lord, I want to fight on the frontlines with You. Yahweh, El Roi, Adonai, Abba, El Shaddai, Savior, King. I love you. Everything I ask in your name Jesus, I love you, Good night God, I love you. Amen
posted by FrontlineFighter | 12:26 AM
1 Comments:
hey buddy (my american buddy....)...just thought i'd leave ya a comment. its so crazy that we are all really 'growing up'. your in college..me and patsy are graduating....im talkin about marriage....its crazy. well...know that im prayin for ya!! God's going to use you in mighty ways where your at...just remember that he has you right where he wants you!!! Romans 8:28...good stuff..go check it out..lata
Post a Comment
<< Home