Even video games have codes against vulnerability

So today is MLK day. I was talking to my youth pastor about my life lately....
I am ®ªnsÒmed Heart on msn, so that may make this a little more clear.

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

Hey buddy

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

hey pal

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

hey man..how are you?

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

decent.... how are you?

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

not bad...i was up late last night, but it's nice to have the day off to relax...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

yeah.

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

I had to come in to work last night.... So i am at school right now but am planning on coming home for a few hours...

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

gotcha...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

how has your life been lately? how is the battle?

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

it's been tougher lately..., but i'm starting to sense God's power in it to give me strength to say no and turn...

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

how about you?

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

it has been rough... I feel like I am being eaten alive... sexual stuff is trying to surround me and overtake me...my heart is scared to be a man, because everytime it tries people I love tell me its not enough, or I can't make it, I know I can be, but I don't know if I will....\

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

Yesterday I wanted to show patsy a place I had hiked to on saturday...The only place where I have felt like a real man... like I was worth something....even if it was small ... I felt like I couldn't be contained... I was in a piece of woods we own, there is 57 acres there... about 40 left to explore... I wanted to show her the ravines that I conquered the day before.... The result was that...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

she was cold and tired and wet.... she didn't understand what I felt was so amazing.... I know the Enemy lept at this opportunity, my heart sank.... I didn't pay attention to the time... we started heading back at about 5:30... The woods started getting dark... and a dense fog settled all around us. This killed me. I found a log that I had put a directional arrow on the day before and

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

started heading back... but with my failure to be strong I got lost. when you are 17 acres back into a thick wood... and it is dark and foggy, let alone have the one person who you are supposed to protect at all costs...I felt horrible. I couldn't stand it. I kept apologizing and she kept telling me it was ok and saying that she knew I could get us out.... she had to tell me to pray... So I did...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

So loud it was like shouting....God, I'm such an idiot... please get us out of here. I know you can....Please do... ....... he did. He showed me an opening across a ravine and up a steep hill... I feared this for patsy.... her back was already tired and sore....climbing steep super muddy cliffs arn't her forte... but she did it...miraculously with ease. I told God that I trusted him and started

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

meandering our way through the brush and trees to the opening.... when we got out we where in a field... not my proporty. Through the fog... I could only see trees on all sides of us... but I belive that there is something that God put in man about directions... this that I had ignored earlier and headed east instead of south... I told patsy that we needed to go left. she trusted me. By this time

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

my Dad had arrived and was honking the horn.... but we had made it out. Patsy said I was bleedingon my face but I didn't care. I was worried about her. she said she was fine... and kind of enjoyed the last part.... She found out things about me on this trip... things that I didn't even know... through yesterday.... I hated myself.... I always failed.... that was my mindset....

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

We arrived at my house... after the drive back and her joking about the situation left me in awe. The blood on my cheek was from a thorn that embedded itself in my left cheek... I thought it was kind of cool.... God has taught me something through this journey... She trusts me.... She knows I can... God is faithful even when I am so broken and falling for everything satan tells me... and...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

my dad loves me...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

so that was my weekend

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

wow...pretty intense...but sweet...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

yeah...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

I was supposed to work from 7-9 but got up here around 9:30... its ok though because they say as long as I do my job and come in sometime its ok

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

those times make you more of a man...and invite patsy into that...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

I think that is what satan didn't want me to do...... and so i didn't.... but the thing that stunned me about it was that she was there with me... not mad but trusting me and relying on me believing that I was a man more than average, masculine... not feminine...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

You have taught me a lot.

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

a lot about being a man.

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

praise God...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

a real man because you struggle... a real man because you want God... you don't want just plain old church... You want everything God wants to give.

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

it's cool how God can use patsy to affirm manhood in you too..

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

yeah... but like John Eldredge said... she can't show it to me.

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

And I thank you for that.

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

no...but she brings it to life...just like you can bring beauty to life in her by what you say to her and how you treat her....

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

true

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

it's amazing how God has made men and women in a relationship to do that...

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

you need things like yesterday to happen so you can be vulnerable and she can be there with you in the midst of that and still trust you and let you know you have what it takes...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

Yeah

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

and you do...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

thanks man

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

you're welcome...it's true...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

thank you for helping me see that God says its ok to be vulnerable sometimes...

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

oh it's better than ok...it's powerful...the problem is it just feel that way...

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

doesn't feel that way...sorry...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

its ok ....yeah...in before I knew God vulnerability was something that was weak... even videogames have codes against it.

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

yeah...

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

well buddy thanks for sharing your heart...it was good to take it in and know how to pray for you...

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

i have to head off for lunch...

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

Thanks man I was just getting ready to say pretty much the same!

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

have a good lunch!

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

later bro!

BECKS IS COMING TO MLS! says:

you too...love ya!!

®ªnsÒmed Heart says:

love you too!