Today went fast. Classes, food, more classes, homework. Tonight I am broken, tired, fake. I hate feeling fake.

I am pondering on my flaws, my shames, my uglyness. I am a man now. I am engaged. I am a Christian. I feel like a sack of flesh, intricately designed but I've forgotten what for, deeply loved but I don't know why. Forgiven... and a sinner. I feel like a fraud. I feel like an empty prayer, a hollow heart, a shallow soul.
My soul thirsts for God. I cry out in my distress. CAN YOU HEAR ME

Running on a Swinging Bridge...

So I just got back from running. What inspired my atrophetic legs to run? Who knows.
I decided that I would run to the swinging bridge. I didn't know where this bridge was but I knew that it would be amazing. Kind of like God... I have no Idea what lies in waiting for my life, but my destination is heaven. I am going.
I run, and run, and run, beauty all around me, majestic elms with their delicately crafted leaves, puddles the size of an elephant, Glorious ponds(or puddles of flood)... mmm..... A reason to be where I was. I came to crossroads. Just like my life here in college, I have decisions, what am I supposed to choose?? First I chose left.... mistake.... I read the sign, it was one exactly like the one on the way in.... awe man.... I defeatedly turn around, start walking..... back.....losing time, losing life, mistakes. Only to hear God say, "Hey, how about this way?" Well... Ok,(sighing) I start jogging again... Hey, this looks better....not what I saw or expected... Ok so God knows his way around this place. Then comes a big puddle...right in the middle of the path...Simply, God said to go around on the right... success... Onward... more crossroads???!!!??? I thought, How am I ever going to find this bridge??? again, God comes in..."look at the sign..."
Oh....
Swinging Bridge -->
Well, I am glad someone is watching my life... So happily I glide around the 30 foot long puddle,
Dodging trees and traps...(branches that tend to hook your legs)..
I finally find the bridge. At Last. VICTORY...